How I Learned I was ★UNSTOPPABLE★

It’s true what they say...
The truth, is love.

No matter how far we go to deny it, it is always evident in our actions, our emotional reactions, and our ironic ways of coming to that truth, by looking at ourselves.

I would know.
I used to hate my Mom.

Or at least that’s what I told myself everytime the memory came up of her.

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Shame, blame, traumatic emotions. All so obviously a lie to myself, to cover up the fact that I love her so much, and it hurt.

When I was very young, not too much older than that picture up above, my mom became a missing person.

Months later when she came back... she was mentally insane. In a sort of way, she never did come back to me, and to me - growing up with her had been a daily memory of what I had lost - the beautiful loving and caring mother she had used to be.
So when I was fifteen years old, I moved away.

...Years passed by...

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“ I can’t afford the trip. "
“ I have to pay bills.. "
“ I’ll do it next year... "

By 2016 that memory was nearly half of my life away, and I finally sat down with myself and decided, I’d go see her. I was a raging alcoholic, a good friend to many, but I would drink alone every night after work, I never saved up money for anything and never cared for anything, had no goals or drive in life, and I’d procrastinate everything I said I’d do. Even visiting or calling my own mother and facing my past.

So, I sat down with myself one day early that year and told myself I would go, I would save up money and do it. Before that I had always given myself excuses,

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It was like the trauma that started it all, all over again.

Everyday I cried. Everyday I searched online for her. And everyday I put all of my focus onto going to Canada where she and my Grandparents lived, to search for her.

I had pictured for so long what it would be like, seeing her again, telling her I loved her and it was all okay, the past is the past and I love her and that’s all that matters. And I had to make that happen.

Within three months total I had saved up enough money to cover my bills, travel expenses, gotten my passport, and knew the entire layout of Victoria B.C., where I was headed, and all the meanwhile I hadn’t even noticed..

I HAD QUIT ALCOHOL.

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It wasn’t impossible.
It wasn’t even hard.

I didn’t even think about it.

But,
it had happened.

Throughout all of my years of alcohol abuse, I had gone to alcohol anonymous meetings, church, tried videos, none of it worked for me. But having a goal I was emotionally set to achieve at - commanded all of my focus and energy, and so the thought of alcohol simply just didn’t come up. It was natural.

I wish I could tell you after traveling there, that we met and had a beautiful reconnection. I wish I could tell you at least, that when I traveled there again, I found her.

In a years time I’d end up having taken 8 plane trips, spent nights walking the streets of Canada and some nights spent in homeless shelters there hoping I’d find her. I’ve made friends with hundreds of strangers and hundreds of homeless people, taking the same pictures of her with me wherever I went. The same picture you see above. And all through it all - I made amazing connections and friendships, and I discovered myself for who I am, and all that I can do, and more than anything I learned how I - am - UNSTOPPABLE.

So even ‘though I can’t tell you that I physically met up with her and reconnected, I can say that I did find her.


..I found her in my heart.

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